What is a Death Doula?
Let's answer some questions
What is a death doula?
A death doula helps people labor through the death process.
Is a death doula the same as a nurse?
Not most of the time. While some of us may have nursing back grounds, it is not something you should expect from a death doula and the work of a death doula is not a medical profession. We work in addition to someone’s existing palliative, hospice or medical care, not in place of it. While some of us may have medical experience,
What is a doula?
Doula just means servant. To be in service is to give aid. A doula gives aid to either the one birthing, the one being born, or the one dying. All of these times in a life are scary, uncertain, emotionally and/or physically painful. This transition puts the one in labor into a position of vulnerability. A doula is there to hold your hand, bring you water, dry your brow and encourage you through the process.
Is that all a death doula does?
Absolutely not. A death doula can bring many kinds of aid and comforts to a transitional situation. We act as impartial assistants to passing. We are guilds and friends through unfamiliar spaces. We offer experience and calm assurance when the laboring gets hard.
Death doulas are all unique people and they all add personal comforts to their individual clients, but for the most part we all seek to aid in the autonomy of the dying. This means that we look to aid the person in the process of dying first. Sometimes that aid looks like fluffing pillows. Sometimes it means prayer. In all aspects, we seek to help the dying pass with dignity and without fear.
What I can NOT do
I can not give medication. I can not talk to a doctor on anyone's behalf. I can not take up the role of house keeper. I can not mend fences all by myself. I can not fix what’s hurting physically. I can not give anyone all the answers. I can not make anyone love someone or something they don't want to love. I can not help someone take a shower. I can not absolve anyone of sins. I can not and will not judge anyone.
What I can do
I can sit with someone in their final hours. I can talk with people about their hopes and fears. I can help people leave momentos for loved ones. I can make tea and offer to listen. I can gently apply oils that smell nice and maybe ease some pain. I can help organize photos and memories. I can make phone calls to old acquaintances. I can offer spiritual reflections. I can offer soothing stones to hold for hard moments. I can contact local churches and help find spiritual representatives to pray with. I can light a candle and open a window for someone when they pass. I can help a circle of care to feel comfort when a loved one has gone.
“I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.”
– Mark Twain
